Thanks for clearing that up for me, lol. He's often misunderstood by quite a few people and seeing how we have a lot similarities in the way we think well, I know for sure that people will misunderstand me as well. I'm not running away from the world nor am I saying that I don't ever want to find someone who will understand me. I guess I'm just saying that it doesn't have to be intimate, it really doesn't. I read your comment in my thread and you made a lot excellent points that I can't argue with. Just know that I am bitter about life due to some rather awful experiences and it doesn't look like that will ever change anytime too soon. I think I need a fresh start honestly, I need a clean slate or for my existence to be completely obliterated. Anyway thanks for sharing your thoughts!

One last thing, if i did find a girl pretty, before me to reach such a conclusion, it would need 1st
1. that i had no earphone in my ears for me not to be focused in my music to notice her
2. for me to find a girl pretty, she must be clothed with "finished clothes"
3. short hairs, don't ask me, i got a preference for tomboy girls
4. never wear skirts that aren't below knees
5. always shake hand to say hi both guys or girls
6. who doesn't say things like "this guy is cute" mostly if she already got a boyfriend

if i come to notice these few characteristics, then i can conclude that the possibility of the girl being different to others is like 20% next to

1. a girl who got even 1 mm of her hips revealed
2. who wear those high wheels stuffs
3. who wears tight pants or skirt not below knees
4. who kisses every guy's around to say hello
5. who use make ups or even stares at herself in a mirror she bring with her everyday
6. or even stares at herself in the screen when it's on standby
7. who stares at me or other guys in weird ways
8. who doesn't care to say loud that such guy and such guy are pretty and cute, mostly if she got a boyfriend

for the points before, they can't be noticed in a day, but the points i mentioned below, can be noticed in less than 3 hours, and the 2nd category would be define 100% chance of her being a ... what you know, now, i didn't say there aren't exception, but in that 2nd case, there are none usually, and even if there was, would i care? would it make any difference to know there's a special girl out there who does common things that other girls do? sigh

whatever, got to go get ready for work, and note, these points, they apply only to me, that's my way of thinking, so don't go affirm that i said, the world is like that, i said the world is like that to me, and everyone sees the world in a too common way, i believe i see the truth, like i mentioned, whatever if am right or wrong, it's my reality

Aaaaaaaaalright! now i know what you exactly wanted to understand about me, fine, let me start from the start then

1st, am not interested in guys, (i got nothing against such people, but, well, it's another topic and too long story, i mean, about yaoi and yuri people)

2nd thing, hmm about girls being attractive, how could i put it into words :s, let me see
yuna from FF10 is very pretty, but, i hate her personality to death
garnet from FF9, oh my favorite, mostly when she cuts her hair, she was sooo pretty
shana from Legend of Dragoon, physically, my type
Jessica Alba, she was really pretty in Dark Angel, the rest, i hate her
Britney Spears? just hearing the name, i want to throw
Beyonce? same as above
Rihana? is there a way to kill all of these hollywood b*****
kaminagi from Zegapain, oh hell, if a girl like that could exist, sure i wouldn't mind falling for her
so overall, am not the kind of guy to find supermodels attractive, but rather dirty, cause thoughts of that kind "hell, she lacks lot of shame to display herself like that other tv, or net, or fake and learn to be an actress" i don't mean all are bad, but i don't mean most are good either, so it answers your question, i don't really bother about the "if i find women attractive" whatever if she's pretty or not, the personality matters way lot more, but hey, i didn't say physic doesn't count, else we'll end in a really messy topic, am just saying, since i know i'll never meet a girl with right personaly, so why bother myself looking at girls and say "oh that girl is so pretty" while knowing, if i thought that of her, means
1. she clothed and made herself in such a way that she'd be pretty
2. if she did so and if i noticed it means not only me did
3. if she was able to clothe herself like that and walk around in public like that ( don't get me wrong, my taste aren't these bad, am just referring to common people) means when she wears herself, it's for the main purpose of being beautiful more than just of the need to clothe
4. if she can wear such kind of pants or don't mind about her hips appearing and pulls her top down all the time means that she somehow likes to know people looks at her

my taste? well, a girl who matches my ideal definition of girl to me, doesn't exist, and even if she does, i'd have no way to prove that what she claims to be is just to please me or that she has been like that since she's young

3rd point, you asked how can I not be interested in such relationships as love, it's not cause of the wasting money thing, it's because, through time, and through being manipulated, and from observing and hearing a lot, i could conclude these things
1. i cannot truly love in the real meaning of the term, why? cause i'll never be able to trust anyone blindly, like i said, it's a gamble, i'd know never if tomorrow all the time i've devoted will be wasted or not, in your case, you trust him, that's why you don't count, but for me, i'll never be able to do that, because, love is more a matter of logic than feeling to me, and since i think that way, you'd agree with me, that love can't exist, if it's put on logical ground, so why should i care
2. to what is due that unability to trust? because i onced was love, (am lying) i was in love of the fact to be in love, many promises were done, many words were shared, but in the end, i managed to prove all of these were lies, on my own, why? cause like i said above, when there's no logic, i can't bear it, if i was you, and if i had my current state of mind, i'd go crazy, or rather, if i was your boyfriend, i'd be like, what she's doing now, how do i know if she cheats on me or not, or if she kisses other guy, because, hell, why a guy like me who saved himself so long, and never "enjoyed" life like others did, should accept a girl who dated 3 or 4 guys, gave herself, and enjoyed school and life like doing many nasty things, and then decides to be clean over 25, it's not really an equivalent trade, to me ( and it only concerns me ) love is supposed to be as you said, a mutual sharing, but this kinda of sharing cannot exists when it concerns me, now i know what you will say
what everyone do hurry to say, that is, me being like this, is due to that bad experience, you're totally wrong if you think that way, this way of thinking i developed, was already there, i just hid it a lot, and kept telling myself, hope should be kept in humanity, and people, that there's more good than evil, but after the much i went through, what do you want me to believe, the saying claims that truth lies in the eye of the beholder, why should i waste my time trying out girls and find that i was the one being tried, when i can make so much of that same time for my own sake, it's illogical and silly

i won't compare my situation to yours, you were lucky to have a heart and mind that allows you to feel real emoticons, but I inherited of a mind and knowledge, that leads me to have mechanic reactions and feelings, and all supported by a logical reason, when you think other it, suppose, tomorrow, I cross a girl, we learn about each other, she starts to like me (i'd see hints, eventually) and then one day she tells me that she loves me, it would mean
1. she's selfish, cause, i believe if a girl learns about me, should understand that, it's for my own sake that i have to inflidge myself this pain, sorrow and solitude to be, ME
2. she doesn't care about how i feel, so why should I? even if i did like her too, i made my resolve, and her trying to break through, would just mean, she's ... just trying to break through, when she'll get in and realise there's nothing in there, then am set away like a trash, actually, it's usually like that, girls think they are so powerful (most of them) and would seize on any occasion to remind you that you're just a guy

am not just a guy, i don't spend my time on football, beers, and i don't have 200 girls' number on my cell, i don't even use that cellular, am just too lazy to buy a watch, and since i got no home phone (long story with parents), there's no way i can keep in touch with my job without a cell, but once i got in, i didn't use the cell unless i had to meet my mates or reply to friends abroad, i could end refilling my money after 2 or 4 months period, to show how much i care less about cell, and yeah, i keep in touch more via internet just like your boyfriend, but, as you said, i really do think, engaging relationship, is a really painful task, because i'll just approach useless people most of the time, so i stay away from everyone, and those who do insist to cut through and prove me that they are different, i don't mind accepting them, and any bad steps, i blacklist someone straight, forgive and forget, it's another concept that makes me sick, am sure if i was the one who did something wrong, even if i was forgiven, one day when that person does something bad equivalent to what i did or worse, she or he would point my mistake back at me ( i do pretty few mistakes since these 3 years though, lol ) so, we got one life, so one chance is enough, i won't spend a whole life time in forgiving and forgetting, because there's much i want to remember, why fill my mind with useless stuffs that needs not to be thought about

sigh, so conclusion, i cannot love, nor be loved, if the ideal girl exist, she'd be too perfect, and wouldn't even cross the line of telling me her feelings due to the things i mentioned above, and since i've resigned from listening to feelings that i don't really have, i won't cross that line either, so who knows, one day i might end being best friend with someone who could have been my "soulmate" but we'll never know it, would i be missing something? not really, cause 1st, i'd be unaware, and 2nd, i said it earlier, cuddling, kissing, yeah, and then? why please me physically for, how much you want? a week, a year? a decade? and how much i'll lie and play the guy that, isn't jealous, who will love her for eternity and all, when i already know, am not cut for love matters

oh something i want to clear, you said, maybe later i'll meet xyz girl and then, but i think my post already clears this, but i'd just like to say it loud because, am tired of people who think am just a normal guy and who says things he doesn't think, and people keep saying "yeah you say that now, but in some years bla bla bla"

so allow me to do this, I am and always be, alone until the very end, and if a girl dares tell me that she loves me, i'll tell her straight in her face that she's a ****** not necessarily cause she's one, but mainly to keep her away from the line, i don't want anyone inside the wall range, it took me so much to build it again, oh, that trust thing, it's not only about girls, friends too, and family betrayed me, today, i got no one left to even call family (not that i care, cause the term parents itself makes me sick) so don't get it wrong and think that am a guy who became cold due to a bad experience with a girl, it's totally wrong,i was already cold, and those bad paths i crossed in life, just helped me affirm my unability to feel any other feelings other than hatred, pain, and sorrow, life goes on, like the song says, if i could just accelerate the process to reach the end, i really hope an afterlife doesn't exist, living twice among humans could be the worse thing, else, there's nothing worse that can happen to me, i went through all of it ( and i know what i mean )

out there, there are people, who enjoys life and makes lot of dirty and nasty things, and they end having a nice life, and get all what they want and so on, and on the other side, you have the nice people, who do everything in fair ways, and are always rewarded with ... you get the picture, am not saying life is unfair, but, since the actual world is like this ... am way to depressed right now to write more, maybe next time after your reply, hope it helped to have a clear view of my character, seeya around!

... sorry if i sound aggressive, I usually say straight what i think, i just think, i got annoyed by your 1st comment, and made me kinda, aggressive on my points, so please mind me not, and just try to get the essential of my replies, seeya!

Hmm, I apologise, it seems i haven't answered one of your questions in the right way, i don't want to experience it not only cause i think it's silly to be so obsessed by physical contact, but also, as you said, it's something that should be experienced with someone you feel intimate, and note, this is something that is never going to happen, nor that i will allow to happen, why? simple, i find it more rewarding to spend my money, time, and all, on my friends, and things i need, than to use it on cellular credit to say "i love you" "i miss you" and all the blah blah that goes with, 1000 times per day for let's say, suppose 1 year, 2, 5, 10, and then after 10 years, we keep lying to each other and do as if things are as awesome as the 1st time we met, naaaah, the concept of love, is just, too much a concept to me now, dating a girl or experiencing such stuffs sounds like gambling, and hell knows not that i hate gambling, i play a game when am convinced that not matter what, am going to reach the end, while, in a love matter, you can never be sure that you'll make it until the end with the same person, she could leave you, or she could die, or whatever else, and then i'd be like "oh god, why did you take her from me" or "oh, i wasn't enough caring and she left me, i was silly, she was the only one" only one??? i said that in a thread last time, the concept of soulmate and other half, nice, it looks sweet and all, but, i don't feel half of myself, i would lie if i said i wouldn't like to experience this human warm and so on, but i'd be lying if i said i need it too, i got better to do, like mourning in a corner until my time comes, or human's kind time comes ( too bad it won't be for now )

call me a pesimist, or someone who got negative thoughts, or whatever you like after reading my replies, but, i thought since you watch dr house, you know a little how i feel, the only difference, i don't smoke, and never did, the rest, the truth is the most important thing to me, and i hate it when there's no logic around, abnormalities are bugging, i quote

i hope still i could clear some of your questions

You will really laugh, but, you made me more scared of s** than i already was, i did knew of it, partly, but now you gave the details, am frustrated, no no, seriously, am not putting it on a pedestal or something, am just not interested, i find watching animes and playing video games or listening to music, more eeerh, how to say, entertaining, relaxing, whatever you want, than looking at girls being like "oh my, you're sooo sweet, hi hi hi, oh darling, oh sweetheart, oh oh" hell, to hell if you to consider me as a g** person, am tired of people who think, if it's not black it must be white, up to you to believe what you want or anyone else, i can't just minimize myself, enter your minds, and make it clear, that between white and black, there are many other colors, not only gray, but well, up to you

note, i don't mind you being so straight, actually, am pleased, but what got me a little upset is the last part about gay, cause i get it everyday

-hey do you do this or that (as if it was there business and there was no other subject to talk about)
-no, it's silly
-whaaaaaaaaaat? you're gay or what?

another thing, from your explanation there, it means, since a guy practically, got nothing to lose during those physical contact, is enough of a reason, for me to jump on everything that's on my way like an animal, come on, you can't be serious about that?

I read on the pets thread that he belongs to your mom, but I bet you love him as if he was yours ;) I wish I had a cat like that, mine is a boring regular cat, she doesn't sit like a bear nor sleeps in awkward positions, lol.

Your cat Romeo is awesome D=

Rawr?!

I sure hope not.
Well at least Square enix is still alive
Um I befriended ya too

So like they are gonna create something other than the PlayStation?

Ola!

To let you know just incase you happen to see on the forums. I am personally not trying to go around and quote you =3. I just thought I'd get that out of the way XD \o.

I had no idea what you meant with what you said, so I googled it and found this, and now I can't stop laughing.

Now you know how to make friends here ;P If I ever make a livejournal account I'll add you there btw, if you don't mind.

Thank you =D I made it a while ago. Yours is nice too, except for that heart on top between them <_< It's weird xD